She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
