if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
