There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
