and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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