it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
