I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
even my farts smell like vagina
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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