So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
