I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he's gonorrhea incarnate
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
