im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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