Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
