Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
