awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
