Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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