and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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