i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
