I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
