oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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