and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
