his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
