Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
