That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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