You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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