mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
