erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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