today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Enjoy the penises
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
