oh fat girl friday strikes again...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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