My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
