so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
