i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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