He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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