Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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