It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
