This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
