I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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