Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
tell me about the fingering
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