can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
