That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
