I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
