Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
