I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just want to make out with him forever
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to calm my uterus...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
