Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
