I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
