I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
