I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
