I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
