I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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