we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
