"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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