the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
