All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
