gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
