I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
