yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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