i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
