my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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