i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
